So it snowed tonight. And it seems like every year during the first snow, everyone rediscovers snow for the first time. Facebook is filled with status updates:
Snow! It's snowing! I hope tomorrow's a snow day! People look out their windows with a sort of odd curiosity, like they'd forgotten that snow even existed--like summer was so long that it made them forget the comfort of a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate. The first snow seems to bring back all those memories in a flood.
Most years I share the sentiment of those people. No matter how old I get, I seem to gasp whenever I first see flakes outside my window. But this year--for the first time in a long time--I find myself simply zipping my sweatshirt slightly higher and looking out the window thinking,
how strange.
The biggest snow storm I can remember started 14 years ago yesterday--my birthday. It might not have been the biggest storm during my lifetime, but it
was about 150% of the average October precipitation and it did lead to the postponement of my ninth birthday party--which, at that age, was a fairly catastrophic scheduling adjustment.
On that day, my dad dug out trenches in the snow like a maze, and I spent the entire day outside. I think I built a snowman and a snow fort; and I probably fantasized about throwing snowballs at passersby--but I don't think that I actually did. I just camped out, my black and purple coat soaking up the snow, until it got dark. And I did the same thing for the next two days until the blizzard was gone. It was a pretty good birthday--and a pretty good snow day.
However, this year I find that I'm not sure if I want a snow day. When I look at the snow, I don't heave any sigh of relief or wipe my brow at the prospect of escaping work or stress. I really just see snow.
And that's not to say that I haven't been working. I've been working a lot. It's almost all that I do.
Instead, I think it's because I'm in a sort of in-between time. Between my work in college and my work on my career--whatever that may be. I'm in the transition between my education and my passion. And maybe you don't really need a snow day during that time. You just need to spend all of your time trying to figure out where you're headed and what work you love to do. And once you find that work, that's when you can start to remember--despite the length of the summer--what winter is like. You can finally remember the comfort of a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate. But until then, you just keep searching for the job that is
your job and the future that is
your future. You keep searching, and once you find it you can understand its amazement again.
At least I hope that's the case, because this year I can't help but fear that I'm stuck in a rut and I need a change of seasons as a soon as possible.
love always,
-jim.
