Day 2242 - Depth Perception

Currently Away We Go All My Days see related

I have been feeling extremely optimistic today. Feeling like despite the fact that I really have no idea what the rest of my life looks like, it's going to be positive. Perhaps it's the experiences and friendships I've been a part of this semester or perhaps it's just the fact that the sun is finally coming back, but I feel good.

My stimulus for writing this is something that just happened about three seconds ago; my phone buzzed, so I was reaching for it in the dark and closed my hand about three inches too soon. And I thought it was weird that the light of the phone looked like it was right there, but it wasn't. And while this doesn't really seem like a life altering moment, it got me thinking about depth perception.

We just got back from a birthday party for my sister-in-law's parents, and it made me think about how much I like being part of a family. I've been thinking that a lot lately--that I'm glad to be part of a family. And the weird thing is, why didn't I think that before? I obviously never hated my family or anything, but I never had this strong of a feeling. I think that's what depth perception is like; it's understanding the relationships between things. Or maybe it's understanding your understanding of the relationships between things. And up until now, my depth perception was not that great.

But something has changed for me recently--like I've gotten new bifocals. I think I understand how I relate to people. I understand more about friendship and family than I think I ever have, and it's weird to be relearning things that I always considered to be the basics. Maybe I've found my place (at least for the time being). And that's a really nice feeling to have, I think.

love always,
-jim.

Day 2240 - Historical Revisionism & Santa Fe

Currently Ups & Downs: Early Recordings and B-Sides By Saves the Day see related

So, as of this evening, I am officially alone on Xanga. As I write this, there is nobody left on this website to read it. The one person who was holding out has thrown in the towel, and as far as I can tell, 'we'--and at this point I mean it like the royal 'we'--have reached population: 1. And it feels strange to be writing into a void. The blog has never been meant to attract much attention, but normally when I say 'you' it actually applies to a reader, not a Google keyword search.

But, be that as it may, I've suddenly begun to feel the desire to blog again--more so for myself than any sort of virtual audience. It seems to be a feeling I get a lot as spring approaches. However, every time that I sit down to type something, my mind draws a complete blank. Thus, I have been looking back at my old posts for inspiration, and it's made me think a lot about who I used to be.

And before you--by you, I of course mean the machine(s) reading this--start thinking that I'm about to get all nostalgic-philosophical, understand that I am mostly talking about grammar, sentence structure, and subject material.

My oldest posts have none of those things, and as someone who has now been programmed to fix every error in punctuation and comma usage it slightly drives me nuts. But I made it a rule when I started this project that once something was written it was permanent, and I intend to follow that rule. Some of the posts on this page are really important to me and still bring up some really strong memories. Others are just plain embarrassing. But the truth is, I think they are all important. I realize that I've changed a lot since that first post, and I think that the real me is some sort of hybrid between '-jim.' now and 'Jimbo' then. So deleting the ones I don't like would mean deleting part of who I am now.

That's my thought on Xanga Historical Revisionism. Glad we got that out of the way.

---

Furthermore, I'm going to New Mexico for spring break next week, which is cool but also kind of weird.

It's cool because now whenever I watch Newsies and Christian Bale is singing about how he wants to go to Santa Fe, I can yell at the screen, "I've been there Christian Bale! You may be Batman, but I've been to Santa Fe!" And I think I'll enjoy that profusely.

It's weird because New Mexico is where my parents lived before I was born, and all I can do is picture my kids vacationing in Colorado someday. They'll be staying in a hotel near where I am sitting right now and planning their excursions around the state. Maybe they'll visit the places I went when I was growing up. Maybe one of the excursions will be to visit this house if it's still here. I never thought of a duplex as a tourist location, but maybe it is.

---

Lastly, I just found out that Conan O'brien is doing a touring show. Rest assured, tickets will be purchased soon.


-jim.

P.S. This post was somewhat bland and lacking in any poetic value, and I am completely aware of that. But really, it's only being read by robots, microchips, and possibly Skynet, so who do I have to impress?

P.S.S. In regards to my previous comment about impressing robots, I would just like to say: 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101111 01100110 01100110 01100101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110 00100000 00100000 01010000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110101 01110000 01110010 01101001 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110

Day 2237 - A brief announcement.

Currently Our Story Begins: New and Selected Stories (Vintage Contemporaries) By Tobias Wolff see related

I think I want to work in a bookstore this summer. Or maybe a movie theater.

That is all.

Day 2226 - Business Casual

Currently Picaresque By The Decemberists see related

Hello there old friend, <*dusts off cobwebs*>
It's been nearly five months since we last talked, and that seems like an awfully long time. I bet you feel forgotten here in this dark corner of the internet, tucked in next to photobucket and Homestar Runner. But that's all going to change, because it is Day 2226 and I am writing to you about Business Casual. So here it goes:

Dear Internet,

I need you to know something. It is something that I've always wanted to be able to tell the world. I need you to know this one thing, not because I think it makes me special but simply because it has happened, and it's part of me now. It's not necessarily something I'm proud of, but I am not embarrassed by it either. So listen up Internet, because I'm only going to say this once.

I need you to know, Internet, that I have finally learned what business casual is. I understand now that the vest and pocket watch was too much, and I understand that the tuxedo t-shirt was probably too little. And as I sit here in my argyle sweater and button up shirt, with my dress shoes from Target, I can't help but wonder what this discovery really means.

I've reached some sort of level in my life. The Business Casual level.

That's where I am.

I just thought you should know. Thanks Internet.


Love always,
-jim.

Day 2037 - Ramapalooza

So another year is starting, and it feels like I've gotten really old this summer.

I don't really know what else to say.

love always,

jim.

Day 2065 - My Discovery

Being the Box Office Manager is pretty much the same as being the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher.

Day 2025 - Another Generation Gap

I'm feeling whatever that feeling is again. Not quite nostalgia, but not really close to anything else.

It's a sort of slow movie montage sort of feeling. The movie montage towards the end of the story where you see what all the characters are doing by themselves before the ending brings them all back together. There's always some sort of mellow music playing--Nick Drake or Colin Hay or The Smiths. The fades are really slow. It's the sort of montage that emphasizes the moral of the story I guess. Even though it doesn't use words or significant actions. It's like this:

He's floating on an inner tube in the pool, looking straight up at the clouds while wearing sunglasses. He spins in clockwise circles as the water moves outward in tiny ripples. Not frowning, but not smiling either. He is a floating gargoyle--not in the Gothic sense, but simply in the fact that he is solid--an unmeltable iceberg in the deep-end of the backyard pool.

And she's staring at the ceiling fan, her feet hanging off the end of the bed, the light flickering with each pass of the fan blades. She's holding a pillow in her arms. The one with the green and purple stripes and the frayed tag that tickles her face when she goes to sleep.

The middle aged man is sitting at the breakfast table reading the news paper while a thin cloud of steam rises from above a waffle, and he sips his coffee.

The little boy is riding his bicycle down a street with large trees, because it is always appropriate for little boys to ride their bikes down streets with large trees--especially in Autumn when the montage takes place. He doesn't do wheelies or pedal backwards or bunny hop. He just stands on the pedals and coasts.


It's that sort of feeling.


A sort of stand still--waiting for what will happen next. Eagerly anticipating movement but seeming permanently static. Full of potential energy, like stones mounted at the edge of a cliff waiting for the slightest breeze to send them careening--down, down, down to the valley below.

They are all in that in between sort of time.

Well, so am I. And that description may have made it sound like I'm sad about it, but I don't think I am. I think I'm just somehow in the middle. In the gap between time periods and actions and feelings and everything. On the brink of something new, but also completely engaged with all the things that have passed.

I don't know what that means. Perhaps its too metaphorical.

So, in order to keep some bearing on reality I'll just say--
I am living in a new house, with a new job, and new classes, and new people, new responsibilities, new engagements, new feelings, and a new desk with 4 drawers and one dent in the side.

Love always,
-jim.


Also, provolone cheese is very expensive.