You are my sweetest downfall (day 1209)

Currently Listening Begin to Hope By Regina Spektor Samson see related

I think it's strange that it's possible to feel so overcome by a feeling.

What makes it more strange is when that feeling is nothing; When that feeling is apathy. When a force that doesn't even exist completely takes you over. Why can not feeling anything completely consume you more than feeling anything? To think that nothing can mean everything at a given moment in time. It's like every morning when you wake up, and once you're out of bed, you notice the indentation on the pillow where your head rested for the night. And now that you are not resting on it anymore it seems strange that the indentation still is so important. So important that it is still the entire essence of the pillow.

Soon the fact that we aren't in high school anymore will signify that we were once there. The fact that we are done will justify the fact that we started. The end will create the beginning. We are adults only because we aren't children. That seems odd to me, that we are defined by something only after we leave it.

Today I thought a lot about myself through the lens of what I'm not, or what I used to be. And it was weird to look at nothing in order to try and find me.

It was weird to look at nothing and try to find something.

Love always,
jim.