"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

Currently Listening ...Is a Real Boy By Say Anything see related

Well, it is day 1192, and I am feeling pretty good.

Which is strange.

I don't understand how there can be such an immense feeling of comfort at the end of something that means so much.
Perhaps its the feeling of a job well done. Or the pride in friendships that last even after the catalyst which made them occur is gone. Maybe I just stayed up too late at the cast party.

Whatever it is, I'm happy with where I am. I'm proud of what we've done. I'm sad that it has to end, but not sad enough to outweigh my happiness that it happened at all.

To all those who have ever been in "Thespian Troupe 301," I'm proud to have been a part of it with all of you. Each and every one of you has changed my life with your amazing talent and friendship.

and to those of you not graduating, keep it up, so I have something to see next year.


I think I'm ready to graduate now. . .

Love always,
jim.

1191 days.

and then there was only one. . .

The time they are a-changing (1188 days)

Currently Reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower By Stephen Chbosky see related

So I just got home from my last ever play practice.
Then I will have three performances.
and then it will all be over.

and I will be very lost I think.



I tried on my cap and gown today. I looked in the mirror. and I didn't see me.

I wasn't a kid anymore. I was an adult. I was boring.

I don't want to grow up.


This sucks. I don't see how something can be so depressing and so exciting at the same time.
I don't know how I can feel so proud and yet so unaccomplished;
so wise and yet so stupid;
so lost and yet strangely found.

I just miss being little and not knowing that the world had its problems.

I think Charlie said it best when he said:

"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."

I think it would be great if I could stay right where I am forever.
I feel like I finally know what is going on, where I belong.
But maybe the time when you know everything is the time when you need to move on. Maybe you have to move on so that you will continue to be lost and then the times when you are found mean something.

I wish that wasn't how it worked. I think it would be great if that wasn't how it worked.
I think it would be great if sledding were always enough.

Love always,
jim.

Okay, how ya doing? I'm Lloyd, and we're gonna watch the movie "Coccoon." I've never actually seen it, but I heard its very good, it makes you happy. Its about a group of people who go to outer space... hope I didnt give anything away there.

Currently Listening Give Up By The Postal Service see related

I find it really hard to admit this. . . but . . . I think I'm growing up.

*gulp*

so the idea of just living lasted about a day.

Yes, you can't spend your whole life worrying. But you have to realize that while life is life, life is also complicated.

You can't just trust that your boat will coast through the rocky waters. At some point you will have to start driving before you've bottomed out and sunk.

Life is life, but realization is survival.

I just hope this doesn't mean what it very well may. . .

Currently Listening ...Is a Real Boy By Say Anything see related

It's amazing that no matter how much things change, everything stays the same.

I think in the end, people are who they have always been. The core of a person's being doesn't change despite their outer shell.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About everything.
About life and love and loneliness;
popularity and preparations and prom;
daydreams and darkness and death,
and I realized that in the time I spend thinking, life can start to pass me by.

Each day passes faster and faster, and then the next thing you know, you're old, and working a job you don't like, and dying a little everyday. And you're still thinking that if you only knew where you were and what your purpose was, you'd be happy. But maybe the only way to be happy is to allow yourself to stop looking for that answer and just accept life. Let life happen. Let time progress. And in the end, if that doesn't work, at least it didn't take as much energy.

Just accept that sometimes good things end, and if they are meant to begin again, they will.
accept that sometimes good people leave, and if they are meant to come back, they will.
accept that your belt is lost, and until then you can wear suspenders.

accept that life is life, and that's all.

by trying to make it anything more, you just make it less.

All I know is that riding on the train tonight, I felt infinite. Like maybe there was purpose and meaning in the world, and the only reason I could find it there was because I wasn't looking. The only reason that it was there was because I wouldn't admit it. It was there because I was there, and nothing else. It was with me. It was around me. It was me. Life.

I don't know why I feel like typing this now. I doubt anyone logged on thinking "I'd love to hear a philosophical rant," but if anyone did, I hope that maybe someday when you're feeling completely lost, you'll call me and you'll say:

"Sometimes I think of the same things. And sometimes the world doesn't make sense, but I'm glad that we're in it together."

and then I'll reply:

"I'm glad too."

and that's all that we will need to say. and that will be enough. and we will be infinite.



But more than likely, you just logged on to check your email/your myspace/your facebook. But even in that, we are infinite--because that's what I logged on for too.

The prom assembly is tomorrow, and I have no clue what to wear.
-jim.

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

It's time to try defying gravity. . .

"And all the books you’ve read have been read by other people. And all the songs you’ve loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that’s pretty to you is pretty other people. And you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing “unity”. It’s like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means you’re happy, too.

I just remember what made me think of all this. . . and for the first time in my life, I understand the end of that poem."

Confidence booster.

Currently Listening Give Up By The Postal Service see related

It seems like yesterday everything was new.

I think that yesterday, I felt like yesterday was new. If tomorrow I think today was new I might have to start sleeping through days.

I think that knee socks are better than short socks.

I think that I don't want to be in a "rock-and-roll band" anymore. It doesn't actually score you chicks, or money, or fame. Just a broken croquet mallet, a t-shirt, and one night at a talent show.

I think that nickels are the strangest coin.

I think that when you get old your only form of happiness is nostalgia.

I think that children are wonderful by themselves, but depressing to compare yourself to.

I think things always seem to cycle.

I think that everything ends, and that's what keeps life going. When things stop ending, that's when life ends.

I think that paradoxes are confusing, but are the best way of describing life.

I think that Edward Scissorhands is a quality movie

I think that if I end up going to my high school reunions I will wear fake facial hair.

I think that life is unfair.

I think that the person who you are meant to be with is the person that you can accept dating someone else, as long as they're happy. As long as they are happy, life is worth living--even alone.

I think that I would be a boring drunk.

I think that I would like to feed the ducks like I used to when I was little.

I think that I am going to fail at most of my top goals.

I think that it has been too long since I have played Zelda on nintendo 64.

I think that times are changing and there's nothing I can do.

I think that if I could just go back to that one day, everything would be perfect.

I think that since in 9th grade we were called "freshmen," it would be appropriate for 12th graders to be called "completely-confused-and-out-of-their-fucking-mind-men."

I think that delicious is a difficult word to spell.

I think that I am a completely different person than I was in middle school.

I think that I am exactly the same as I was in middle school.

I think it is weird to watch my friends grow up.

I think it is sad that everyday my future gets shorter and shorter.

I think that my new neighbors seem like tools.

I think that people have been nice to me lately because they are afraid I'm going crazy.

I think I'm completely sane.

I think my dreams have been predicting things lately.

I think God is testing me.

I think I understand the chorus of "Don't Don't Don't Let's Start" now.

I think that it's strange to hear people ask me what I want to be when I grow up. I've been responding: "able to grow facial hair."

I think it's strange that life changing events always all happen at once.

I think that this has all sounded very wussy and I'd like to make it known that I'm not a wuss.

I think that my dog smells worse and worse every day. He really, really does.

I think if this gets any longer, nobody will read it.


I make no sense.


Sincerely yours,
jim.

P.S. Smile! (you know who you are). Smile!

I'm still lame.

worthless uninspired ranting.

Currently Listening Losing Streak By Less Than Jake see related

Hi hockeyinjury5! It's been 1172 (wow, that's a big number) days since you joined Xanga... and you are still the confused freshman now that you were then.

• Except that the coffee that you made to look cool back then you actually drink now.
• The khaki pants you wore back then are now only the pants you wear to work as part of the required uniform.
• The fact that you still end your "about me" section with a joke about long walks on the beach still isn't funny.
• You can now upload 99 pictures on xanga. (but nobody cares)
  
• A short story still doesn't just become a novel.
• You can't chug soda anymore without wanting to die from the pain it puts in your stomach.
• You can't afford to buy a van. Or paint it. Or cover it with stickers.
• You haven't learned to cook.
• You don't put a "current mood" at the end of your posts anymore.
• You suck at ironing clothes.
• You're not in a band.
• You still can't unicycle.
• You've realized that the kids that you thought were "bad kids" when you started high school didn't get any better.
• You've stopped trying to change them.
• The people who didn't like you still don't.
• You still can't live without the sharpest possible pencil.
• You're t-shirts aren't nearly as badass.
• You lost your pocket protector.
• People moved away.
• People died.
• People were born.
• People grew up.
• You stopped posting on your xanga.
• Best friends stopped talking to each other.
• Flowers grew.
• You were happy.
• You were sad.
• You chewed your fingernails.
• You made mix cds.
• You went to other countries.
• You tried your best to be involved in "the high school experience."
  

and you're graduating in 39 days.

and you're completely lost.

and then it will start all over again.


But I'm not going to be emo about it. because if there is one thing that I DID learn from high school it's this:

maybe I'll never really learn what life means, or who I am; but life goes on--so I better get used to it. Because by the time I figure out who I am, I probably just will have changed again.

Current Mood:
Quote of the Day:
Spanish word of the Day:

ok bye!
Jimbo


jim.







holy crap i'm lame.