Day 2442 - My Future Life

Hey there internet,

Today's blog is called "My Future Life" and will concern the following topics: 1) Tetris/Russian History, 2) Bottle Openers, 3) My Future Life.


Section One;
Tetris/Russian History



Section Two;
Bottle Openers

I was walking through the student center today, and I found a bottle opener that is shaped like a duck. At first I was extremely happy about it; Lindsay just got a bottle opener shaped like a bicycle and her coolness level went up by like a thousand. This puts a fairly big discrepancy in our boyfriend/girlfriend coolness ratio, since my coolness level normally hovers around 250. To fix this I thought that a duck bottle opener was just the boost I needed.

Imagine:
People would walk up to me and say, "Can you open my beer?"

And I'd bust out the duck and be like, "Quacktacular!"

And then I'd open their beer and they'd laugh and say something like, "We should be friends! Would you like to go for a ride in my rocketship?"

Or at least that was the plan.

But the more I looked at my little duck friend, the more I started to get disappointed. First of all, the key ring goes straight through the little guy's eye. Imagine being carried around by a giant hook that goes directly through your eye. You are completely blind. You're suffering terribly. Then someone walks up to you and says, "Can you open my beer?"

I find it highly unlikely that you will respond, "Quacktacular!"

Blind ducks do not start friendships.

Section Three;
My Future Life

I've spent the last few weeks searching for grad schools. I've found programs that I like all over the country--Washington, California, Colorado, Texas, Iowa, Michigan, and New York. And I've decided that I am going wherever can offer me the most money to go there. There are a few other factors, but that's the bottom line. I need to go where I can afford to go.

What this means is that I could be almost anywhere next year. And I'm starting to think that next year is the beginning of My Future Life.

My Future Life could be almost anywhere.

That makes things very difficult to plan. Pretty much all I can be sure of is the fact that I don't think I'm keeping this duck bottle opener.


love always,
-jim.

Day 2432 - In Soviet Russia, Piñata Hits You!

Hey there Internet,

I wanted to let you know that I went to a party today. Like a real party. Not that all the other parties I've been to weren't real. (In fact, I went to a birthday party for my friend Sam Spudnik this weekend that was quite enjoyable--we sang happy birthday and everything).

It's just that all those other parties seemed to be lacking something. They somehow didn't have that quintessential element. In my head I thought, "this is a party," but in my heart I thought, "this doesn't seem to be leading towards any sort of thematic climax." And maybe not all parties need that. But some parties do.

Today I went to a party that had everything. Today I went to a party that had a piñata.

I think the best thing about a piñata is not even the actual piñata. The best thing about a piñata is watching a blindfolded person swing a bat while everyone else at the party tries to stand as far away from the piñata as possible. Everybody is plotting the trajectory that the piñata will take if the batter manages to hit it off of the string.

The best parties, in my opinion, have piñata trajectories that head straight towards the bowl of punch, or into something expensive, or at the crotch of an important person. There's your thematic climax everybody.

I ate about ten Pixy Stix, and my tongue turned blue. It was a nice party.

Love always,
-jim.

Day 2425 - Moved

So it's official. I've moved.

This is "the [jim]b[o]log" version 2.0. Welcome.


Here's post #1:


Hey there Internet,

I'm feeling pretty bored today, so I thought I would undergo a massive life change and move my blog over from ye olde Xanga to a completely new place filled with uncertainty and doubt. So that's been cool.

In other news, it's becoming more and more evident that I am getting close to the end of my college career and the beginning of the real world. I am a senior. Get your caps and gowns folks, because we're in the home stretch and all bets are off. Congrats Grad! Alumni Association Bumper Sticker! "Oh the Places You'll Go!" Framed diploma!

I am afraid that there is only one job out there for someone with a B.A. in Creative Writing (and Liz Sandifer takes that one job on Wednesday).

It's time to decide what I'm going to do.

Thus here is the GRE word of the day:

Ameliorate
(verb)
to make better, to improve

"Jim enrolled in a karate class, hoping to ameliorate his chances of getting that stunt-double job."

That's right folks. We're headed for grad school. It's written in the blog and that makes it a fact.

New life path officially starts . . . NOW!

love always,

-jim.