Currently Watching Back to the Future - The Complete Trilogy (Widescreen Edition) By Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson, Crispin Glover, Thomas F. Wilson see related

I am so thankful that I have friends like you.

love always,
jim.

Currently Listening Interventions and Lullabies By The Format see related

I'm trying to find truth

in words,
in rhymes,

in notes,

in all the things I wish I wrote...

because I feel like I've been losing you.

That's a good song.





I got a haircut today.

love always,
jim.

Currently Reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Book 5) By J.K. Rowling see related

Saw the newest Harry Potter film this evening.

and it was quite enjoyable.

especially to be able to go with some of my best friends.




R.I.P. Sirius Black

Currently Listening Man at Work By Colin Hay see related

I was thinking about you today. And I wondered why it feels so much like you never think about me. I really hope that you do. Because I think everybody needs someone to think about them sometimes. Just as a reminder that they aren't alone in the world, that they are real and loved. I hope you know that I think of you.

Here's to that half hour conversation

Currently Listening Plans By Death Cab for Cutie see related

It's amazing how fast everybody is leaving.

To the two who leave tomorrow: I love you and I miss you already.

love always,
jim.

Currently Listening Give Up By The Postal Service see related

(Topics: xanga, time, college, growing up, expectations, secrets, venting, poetry?)

As of today, I have had xanga for 1,257 days. And on this 1,257th day, I have registered for college. And although compared to the 6,750+ days that I've been on the planet this seems like a small number, it seems like so long ago. But, at the same time, it feels like yesterday. It was yesterday. One day seems to have been drawn out into 1,257 days. 1,257 days seem to have been squashed together into one day.

I think it's strange that such a long time can seem so short, but at the same moment, this short time seem so unbearably long.



I can't believe that I'm growing up. That I've grown up.

But at the same time. . .

I can't believe that I'm so young. That I'm so naive.




I never could have imagined that going away would be like this.
It's so much better than I expected. It's so much worse than I expected.


But I'm ready . . . I think.

Perhaps the only way you can really be ready is to admit that you're not.

To admit that the next step completely terrifies you and that there are times that you just want to scream in pain.
And times that you want to scream in joy.
To admit that a new life makes you more nervous than you could imagine and that at times the pressure will be unbearable.
and times when the pressure will lead you to a discovery of who you really are.
To admit that this change is huge and that at times you will miss how things used to be
and times that you will thank God that you get to experience something new.



I feel like everybody is growing up at these different rates. Rates that change daily. Where some days I will feel like I have been way too jaded by these new experiences and other days that I feel far too innocent.

It's weird to be in all these different places.



Train of consciousness-
I wonder how many people will really read this. I feel like while I write it to vent, I also think that it has some sort of poetic value to it.

I doubt that.

But maybe it does. and if so, that's great. I hope it helps people.

and if not, that's great. Because I think it helps me.



someone told me tonight that I seem like I keep a lot of secrets. and I don't know if that's good or bad.

but I feel like even if I can't vent "secrets" to others, I can vent them here. and even if nobody reads them, that's fine.

Because I will know that now they are words, now they are tangible, now they are more than just me. They are something entirely new. Even if nobody knows it.




I want to write a novel. Someday. That would be nice. Even if nobody reads it, that's fine.

It would be something more than just me. Even if nobody knew it.



love always,
jim.

MPE Review Section I: Algebra

Currently Listening Killed or Cured By The New Amsterdams see related

I was on your porch.
The smoke sank in to my skin.
So I came inside to be with you.
And we talked all night;
about everything you could imagine.
Because come the morning I'll be gone.
And as our eyes start to close,
I turn to you, and I let you know,
that I love you.


So I have my college orientation tomorrow. And I haven't taken the math placement exam that I am supposed to have done by now. And the server to take said exam is down right now.

but that doesn't really matter, because scores for exams are submitted to the school at 10pm.

And it's after that time. So they'd get my score tomorrow night anyway.

I haven't even gone to college yet, and I'm already failing at it. . .

Shit son.



I had the feeling again tonight. Like I'm the most boring person in the world. I hope that's not true. Because I've met some really boring people. I hope I'm not as boring as them.

I hope I'm not as boring as the guy on the lightrail, who constantly talks to you. No matter how obvious you make it that you want to be left alone, he's there--rambling about some thing or another. Talking about his views on life while his waist is softly constricted by his fanny pack with the plastic king soopers bag coming up through the zipper. He smells like alcohol. He looks like concrete. He talks like he is taking my order at a fast food drive thru, muffled and quick. I hope I'm not like that.

I hope I'm not like the overachiever in an honors class who shouldn't really be there. Just talking to fill time. Repeating the same idea over and over again. He has an awful stutter at beginning of each sentence. He breathes heavily. He has mucus buildup. I hope I'm not like that.

I hope I'm not like that lump who sits in the corner and does nothing. He makes no impact. He is to people as myspace is to websites--There is nothing you can do with him. Just stare. You have to hit refresh quite a few times before he'll give you a "new message." I hope I'm not like that.


I hope I'm not as boring as those people. But once again, in comparison to the people who I was with tonight--who also aren't like those people--I felt boring.

Very boring.


and I don't like that.


Love always,
jim.